Messing around this morning I stumbled across something that’s been puzzling me for a while, something that was somehow disturbing but I hadn’t realised ‘why’ until today. Yeah, I’m a bit slow sometimes.
It was one of those ‘list’ things. If you happen to have a medical condition of any type you’ll probably know those lists, they usually look something like this – they use the name of the disease to spell out a list of its symptoms … for Multiple Sclerosis it will begin something like this –
Eyesight disturbance … and so on …
I’ve never liked those lists. Never thought much of sharing them anyway. They don’t conjure up happy sunshiny feelings do they? But I’ve taken part in many a collective wallow online, been a member of many a group of fellow MS wallowers so a symptom list isn’t much of a stretch really.
But it always niggled at me, that people felt inclined to broadcast their misery. The first time I realised that I somehow didn’t fit in (so there you go, I’m definitely miserable! I don’t even fit in!) – well, the first time I realised that, was when I saw fellow MSers saying how annoyed they were at being told they didn’t look sick, and how they looked so good!
And these people were angry about that. Furious even.
I can almost understand that. Like when people expect you to do things that you can’t. ‘You look too good to be unable to do …’ this, or that, or some other thing. I totally get how that would make an unwell person mad.
But. I don’t think I ever got angry or annoyed by someone saying that I looked really well. Or saying they’d ‘never know’ if they hadn’t been told. In fact I do recall thanking some of those people (and wondering why there wasn’t some sort of pageant for us MSers, to see who looked the absolute perfectest). Perfectest, that’s not a word, I made it up.
Anyway, in a sort of protest I went off in a bit of a huff and typed up my own list, it’s not beautiful or even finished really but I’m going to share it anyway! – here goes …
Ah yes, I love myself a bit hey. Still think I’ll make it some day. You may laugh.
I guess what I’m actually saying is, I’m still me. Things are different, the body needs some work and I’m sure the chassis needs realigning, but it’s not all because of MS and even if it was I wouldn’t see much point in sharing the misery.
Yeah of course I’m whinging now, from a different perspective but it’s obvious that I’m not the perfectest. Just thought I’d better point that out.
I reckon I’ll continue to do my best to keep quiet about my miseries – but when I do have a good wallow I’ll do it on my own if that’s ok. Well, my husband will suffer, but that’s what he signed up for isn’t it? Oh how he’d laugh at that (I do live dangerously).
But how about you? Why not make your own list, a list that focuses on your good qualities, or even just a list of things that make you smile? Wouldn’t that be a nice change?
And I’ll leave you here, that’s all for today.
But of course, when I’m particularly marvellous you’ll hear about it … stay tuned?!
NOTE: I made a short video on this subject, and you can watch it here – keep smiling!